Infertility, Infertility, Miscarriage

Mother’s Day Isn’t Joyful for Everyone

Womens Hormone RestorationAlthough the intent of Mother’s Day is a lovely one – to celebrate the contributions, the sacrifices and the joy that mother’s bring to their children’s lives, it can also be a day that is equally as difficult. Women who struggle with infertility, miscarriage, and/or the loss of an older child, suffer.

Knowing how to navigate Mother’s Day either as a woman who feels the need to grieve, or as a person who wants to support that woman, can be seemingly impossible. To help find answers, we reached out to Ester Stanard, Founder of Miscarriage Matters Inc, an organization that supports women dealing with Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Early Infant Loss, to ask for her insight.  I know Ester personally and love what she is doing for women who have suffered a loss and invite you to reach out to her and the amazing group of women who volunteer, whether as a volunteer or as a woman who could benefit from the support of other women who have been through a similar experience.  I can tell you it helped me so much to have another woman who knew what I was going through to speak to – I will be forever grateful to my dear friend Ava.

 

What is important for women, who have experienced loss, to know on Mother’s Day?

 

“A mother is not defined by the number of children you can see, but by the love she holds in her heart.

-Franchesca Cox

 

This quote is one of my favorites.  Unfortunately many in our society don’t recognize the brief life of a child lost through miscarriage. While this lack of recognition is an unfortunate realization, a miscarriage isn’t just a loss, it’s the death of a child. It’s important for mothers of loss to know this on Mother’s Day.  The things that make someone a mother – being loving, caring and nurturing – are things they did and they experienced. THAT makes them a mother. “A Mother’s Poem” is such a fitting poem that captures the essence and feelings of a mother who has suffered such devastation, and at times questions if she is/was actually a mother. Many women have found great comfort in its powerful words.

Read it here.

 

How can people, who love a woman who has experienced such a loss, support her?

Mother’s Day can be extremely difficult for a mother who’s experienced loss. Many times, “others” tend to not recognize a woman who doesn’t have a child that’s present and accounted for.

With miscarriage still being such a taboo subject, many women are simply not recognized and often suffer in silence.  While increasing awareness around loss is needed, so is an increase in compassion and how we relate to these women, these mothers.

Several of our mothers have shared the ways in which they’re being honored this Mother’s Day. Some have been acknowledged with flowers, cards and the occasional spa day. Others have been given more personal pieces such as a birth stone of when the  baby would have been born. Others who collect individual charms for necklaces and bracelets have been given small rattles and pacifier charms to add to their collection. For those who are close to nature, a suggestion of a balloon release after a picnic or giving her a living plant or tree that she can watch grow seemed to be a perfect way to acknowledge the day. Whatever way you decide to honor a mother of loss, I would simply encourage you to do so. I’m sure that your thoughtfulness will touch her in a very personal and special way.

Miscarriage Matters and Mothers of Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Early Infant Loss, MATTER.

 

 

♥ This post is dedicated to a very special woman I know and all the other women

who will be experiencing her first mother’s day after a loss.  You are all mothers. ♥

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